TriCom Technical Services

25 Hilarious Exit Interview Questions

In Advice, Contracting, Events, exit, exit interview, fun, hilarious, Interview, Interviewing, IT, IT/IS, jobs, staffing/consulting on June 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Whether you’re leaving your position on a good or bad note, if you’ve been respectful enough to give two weeks’ notice, you should be respectful enough to complete an exit interview.


Besides, you can use the opportunity to indicate any office issues, compliment your coworkers and continue building a bridge, or just plain burn any bridges you may have built with that employer.

Thanks to managementguru, we now present you with the 25 hilarious ways to answer those exit interview questions (though we don’t recommend following suit unless you really want to burn that bridge)

1. What is your primary reason for leaving?
I hate every job after 10 months.  Leaving ensures that I always have a job that I will not hate for at least 10 months.

2. Did anything trigger your decision to leave?
Nope…completely spontaneous.  I just woke up one day and BAM!

3. What was most satisfying about your job?
Sneaking out at 3pm.

4. What was least satisfying about your job?
Every Sunday evening when I started to think about having to come into work on Monday.  It was the anticipation that killed me.

5. What would you change about your job?
I would be interested in making it better — all around.  More pay, less responsibilities…that type of thing.

6. Did your job duties turn out to be as you expected?
I expect the worst and hope for the best.  So, yes…yes it did.

7. Did you receive enough training to do your job effectively?
If being really good at avoiding sexual harassment and being diverse encompass everything that should make me effective at my job…yes.  Yes I did.

8. Did you receive adequate support to do your job?
My chair could have been much more comfortable and you could purchase softer toilet paper.  Charmin might be more expensive but Charmin reduces overall sick days…look it up.  The extra expense is really an investment in the health of your employees.

9. Did you receive sufficient feedback about your performance between merit reviews?
I received ample amounts of feedback on how good I am at “commitment to company mission” and “ethical decision making”.

10. Were you satisfied with this company’s merit review process?
If mothers adopted your merit review process, children would die of starvation but cabinets and cupboards would be clean and organized.  Not sure if that answers your question.

11. Did this company help you to fulfill your career goals?
If I actually had career goals I would have to assume that this job fell far short of fulfilling those non-existent goals.  But I guess we’ll never know, will we?

12. Do you have any tips to help us find your replacement?
Oh, thanks…I’m blushing.  As if you really need to replace me.

13. What would you improve to make our workplace better?
I would make almost everything optional.  It’s good to have options.

14. Were you happy with your pay, benefits and other incentives?
Yes.  I love health insurance premiums that rise faster than my pay.  I like health insurance deductibles that break my bank, and I enjoy the fact that you stopped matching on 401k.  Most of all, I enjoy the discount we can get from GM for employee pricing on new vehicles.  How exclusive!

15. What was the quality of the supervision you received?
I had problems with the quality, but it was more of a quantity problem.

16. What could your immediate supervisor do to improve his or her management style?
It isn’t so much a question of how to improve.  It’s a question of how and when to replace.

17. Based on your experience with us, what do you think it takes to succeed at this company?
From what I could see, and this is coming from someone who didn’t succeed, it is mostly about repeating what other people say, scheduling a lot of meetings, and being very social with people that you’d usually want to punch in the face.

18. Did any company policies or procedures (or any other obstacles) make your job more difficult?
1. The bathroom was way too far away from my cubicle.  I had several photo finishes.
2. Your IT staff uninstalled my Google Earth program.  I enjoy that particular piece of software.
3. The bureaucratic process of this company eventually destroyed my will to do anything productive.  At first it was kind of awesome but then it got really boring.

19. Would you consider working again for this company in the future?
Probably, because as an external candidate I’m much more appealing to you and I will make more money.

20. Would you recommend working for this company to your family and friends?
I would recommend the company to family and friends if you gave me referral money.

21. How do you generally feel about this company?
General disgust.

22. What did you like most about this company?
It’s kind of like a casino that has a nice location on the strip.  It’s not so much about the casino you’re in, it’s about the proximity to other good stuff.  There are a lot of places to eat around here.

23. What did you like least about this company?
Everything else.

24. What does your new company offer that this company doesn’t?
First off, they have Kohler toilets which are far superior to the American Standard toilets you have here.  Secondly, they offer a clean slate.  They have absolutely no idea how ineffective I am as an employee.

25. Can this company do anything to encourage you to stay?
If you could erase everything you know about me, pay me more money, and shorten my hours, I might reconsider.

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